Misty Minutes

Misty Minutes, by Lisa Zuercher, 14 June 2006

And where is one to turn

     on the darkest nights of life

Walking aimlessly through

     the misty minutes of unknowing

All the while God peering

     down upon you

            silently urging the next step

Despair creeping tenderly

      into the void

Satan tap dancing on your soul

Good and evil playing

       a tug-of-war game

             with Satan unaware of the rules

God, being the Alpha and Omega,

       cannot lose this game

As darkness of the soul

        is not Satan winning over God

It is Spirit resting

It is human not seeing Spirit clearly

It is ultimately growing and maturing

        in Spirit

It is preparation for the next step

So as one begins to see the

       light of day through

             the misty minutes of unknowing

Hope blossoms

      petal by petal

             like an unfolding pink rose.

Waltzing with My Thoughts

Waltzing with My Thoughts, by Lisa Zuercher, 7 August 2016

Sitting in my yard, admiring the pale blue sky, the blooming sunflowers, the ornamental grasses, the sparrows flying from the Rose of Sharon bush to the various vines that line the fence make me smile. Bugs and bees are scurrying from bloom to bloom delighting in the nectar of life. And I get to enjoy all of this. The only thing missing is the sound of the ocean dancing upon the shore. One day I’ll own a house by the Atlantic and marvel each day in the splendor of its power. One day indeed.

I ponder over the events of the past days and feel myself settling into the cracks in my life. What am I learning from them, these cracks? What about my family is tugging at me? I’ve been feeling as if I am on the outside looking in. It’s bugging me. The dynamic is causing my heart to ache and I find myself delving deeper into my cracks looking for answers.

Will my answers be found as I sit in my yard welcoming the delicate balance of wind chimes singing, witnessing the gentle breeze awaking the ornamental grasses into dance and allowing my soul to feel what it needs to feel? Maybe I should look at my life as a sunflower. A seed planted and nurtured. A shoot sprouted through the earth. It grew tall. A bud burst into the delicious, colorful bloom smiling at me now. What I can say about me is that I grew from a seed. I was nurtured. I grew tall and my bud burst into a blossom. No one can take that from me. Not everyone will appreciate me or my blossom and that is okay because when I gaze at the sunflowers following the suns calls day after day I remember that all I need to do is follow God’s call day after day. Steps taken toward the Light, toward Healing. I’m good and those cracks, well they are part of me. A delicious place to linger and learn.

I am also thinking about my experiences on Friday as I traveled to and from work. Traveling to work on Friday morning I thought I’d jump out of my skin at the loud voice of a man preaching at the top of his lungs about Jesus and condemning those that don’t. Now mind you, I believe in Christ. It is what gets me through. However, I also believe in many spiritual practices and being One with Everything is my path, it is my journey, it is my waltz with God. I don’t believe in condemning others because they don’t believe what I believe or don’t walk upon the same road. And this man, well his voice was so loud my ear drums felt like they were being pierced.

What I relate next is from my train journal entry on Friday, 5 August 2016.

“5 August 2016, 7:42am. In the midst of love I find myself suddenly silent in the echo of my soul. Not sure where to step next, not feeling love at all, feeling quite alone, stranded on an island of regrets. Which step do I take next? Are there any steps to take? In the midst of love – is it a farce? NO. I know deep down I am surrounded by love and my not feeling it doesn’t mean it isn’t there, however the alone feeling is strong.

Where do I expect to be? Who do I expect to be? Ah, the age old question for me. I thought by now I’d have a pile of money in the bank and would be retired. I thought I’d be spending my days walking along the beach with the dogs, writing in the afternoon, and settling into thoughts in the evening. Not in the cards I guess, because of previous decisions made. What to do? I gotta get cheap now. It’s the only way I’ll be able to retire at all.

I wish the guy speaking at the top of his lungs would shut up. His voice is penetrating my ear drums and it hurts. Seriously it feels likes knives are being shoved through my ear drums. He is preaching about one God, one Jesus. Okay, but tone it down. Don’t force it upon another. Act rightly and watch people come, is what I say. He is denouncing all other religions and spiritual practices. Shut up I am screaming silently within. He is turning me off and I notice others leaving the subway car at President Street and running into the next car. Oh please shut up I shout again in silence. He is forcing himself upon everyone. He lets everyone know he is Jamaican and shares loudly that he grew up with Bedouin (that is what it sounded like he said anyway) and then he turned to Christ. Then he begins putting down other religions. The energy in the subway car is changing. I can feel tension setting upon people. Again, I am silently screaming SHUT UP and I feel my own energy turning heavy.

Oh Lord, what did I do to deserve this penance this morning? I chuckle at myself as if this is about me. Actually it is. I am writing in my journal and my subway time is a time to look into myself—me time. His jarring voice is interrupting my flow. Could he just tone it down a bit?

Ah, quiet at last. At Atlantic Avenue he got off the subway. It feels heavenly now. The gentle sound of the train wheels gliding against the metal rails. The hum of the air conditioner. The whisper of passengers’ voices. I can feel the sigh of relief from other passengers. People are appreciating their train time now as if they never realized before how delightful a peaceful ride to New York City could be.

And with the quiet I can get back to my thoughts. O holy and heavenly Father, where are you? Why do I feel blank? Why do I feel clogged by blankness? What is it that I struggle with? I need time for myself to rejuvenate. I want to be in a space where I can just feel love. How did I become so blank? Dead inside? Have a multitude of disappoints deadened me as of late? I must end here because the Wall Street subway stop just appeared and I have to get off the train.”

I had a good day at work and on Fridays during the summer, with hours put in, I can leave at 2pm. So at 2pm I ran like the wind. I wanted to catch the 2:04pm #2 subway to Brooklyn. I walked faster than I thought my feet and legs could carry me and I made it. I made the 2:04 train. Yahooey.

I sat in an overly cold subway car and enjoyed the fact that I had a good day at work and I was being whisked away home. I took out my journal and decided to reflect on my morning experience.

Here is the polar opposite experience on my ride home.

“5 August 2016, 2:05pm. Thank you, Lord. I caught the early #2 train and I am being whisked off to Brooklyn. I can’t wait to get home. Cathie gave me a great idea starter for the book. She suggested I take my published daily thoughts and create chapters in the book based on each thought, one page per thought. Her feedback was lovely and helpful and I am delighted I asked her insights on getting started.

Yes, God is smiling at me now and I like that. I like it always. Someone just got on the train with a bongo drum and begins singing You’ve Got A Friend by Carol King. I stopped writing for a moment and realized just as I wrote the line God is smiling at me now, this gentleman began singing You’ve Got a Friend and the line just call out my name was permeating the subway car. Was God using him to send me a HUGE message that I am to call out to Him in my despair, my aloneness, my times of happiness and sadness? I think yes. Throughout the song he interjected words of wisdom, bible passages, and kindness. He wasn’t shouting at the top of his lungs. The singer finishes his beautiful rendition and says, “Thank you for allowing me to be myself. Without your ears I have no voice.” I smile broadly and think about myself and how voiceless I feel at times and wonder if anyone hears me at all. God is showing himself in a giant way right now. He was presenting his canvas in a gentle way. As this bongo playing singer departs the train he says, “Your smile might save someone’s life, even your own,” and poof, he was gone. I didn’t see where he walked to. It was as if he vanished as soon as he stepped out of the subway car.

Could this be my angel letting me know God is absolutely smiling upon me and loving me and letting me know that I have an eternal friend and family member – the ALL, God, All Creation. I am in it. I am part of it. I am all of it. I am amazed. I am absolutely, 100 percent freaking amazed at what just transpired. Thank you angels. Thank you God.

So here I was calling out to God and this bongo playing singer belts out Carol King’s You’ve Got A Friend. An angel placed before me to keep my soul alive, to offer me the rope upon which I could climb up from the morning rant. Feeling alone this morning and feeling loved up this afternoon. Well placed words, beautiful music, and a divine messenger. My pen pushing soulfully along lined pages of my journal, my thoughts moving faster than my pen moves. Which way to turn now? What to write next? And my station just appeared and I have to get off the train to catch the bus home.”

And that brings me to today.

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I just looked up from my laptop and notice that puffy clouds have formed in the pale blue sky. So much has changed since I’ve been reflecting on my Friday divine encounter. I look up again and swear the angel statue I placed in the yard is smiling at me (no I am not hallucinating). The whispering wind caressing my thoughts. I am being heard. The sunflowers shimmer in the breeze as if clapping for me, cheering me on and lightening my load. The dance of the leaves singing sweetly and thanking me for taking the time to notice everything.

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I stopped typing for a moment to feel the beauty around me and realized yet again, that my waltz with God is ever changing, ever loving, and ever true.

My Smile Experiment, 31 July 2016

My Smile Experiment, 31 July 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

The energetic shift brought about by a smile is amazing to me. I awoke thinking about making today a day of smiles. I wanted to experiment with the energetic shift between a smile and a frown.

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Morning Glory Trinity. Photo Credit, Lisa Zuercher 31 July 2016

I hopped out of bed at 6am, pulled my hair back into a pony tail, pulled on black shorts and a vibrant orange tank top, brushed my teeth and down the stairs I flew. I greeted my animal companions, Shane and Fionn, with a smile and my experiment began. All leashed up we stepped into the world beyond our home and strolled around the neighborhood during my favorite time and day of the week – early Sunday morning between 5am and 6:30am while the neighborhood still sleeps.

Shane is having trouble with his hips so the walk was slow, giving me time to notice the roses, begonias, daisies, ferns, and many varieties of plants and trees that I don’t know the names of. I was going to make a point of smiling and saying good morning to everyone I passed. However, with no humans in sight I decided to say good morning to the sparrows, cardinals, cats and squirrels I met along the journey. I said hello to the trees and flowers that captured my eye and with each good morning and hello I felt my heart brighten and my energy flow at a higher speed causing my mood to shift from “crap I have so much to do today and I don’t want to do anything” to “life is a miracle.”

Once I returned home I decided to clean the house and organize my office and art room in order to clear the energy in my home. For those that don’t know me well, I despise cleaning so the fact that I suddenly wanted to clean was an interesting shift in energy. I wanted to declutter and rid myself of that which isn’t serving me to serve you or my soul.

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Fionn (in pool), Shane resting. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 31 July 2016

After about 9 hours it was time to call it a day. I didn’t get as much cleaning done as I thought I would have but I did manage to clean out one closet and shed myself of clothes that no longer fit. I found a nice spot for my Reiki table and I organized my office and art room. Two piles of paper work were shred, carpets vacuumed, bathroom cleaned, floors swept, four loads of laundry complete, curtains in two rooms taken down for washing and I hung ten pictures. And when I felt my energy slowing down, I went to the yard, took pictures of the dogs and flowers in the garden and I smiled. I smiled using my lips and my heart.

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Sunflower in Yard. Photo Credit, Lisa Zuercher, 31 July 2016

I have more cleaning ahead of me but I am not going to finish that today and I am fine with this. I am not beating myself up. I am delighted at what I accomplished and the energy within me is light, free.

With lightness of spirit and a full day put in, I decided to stop for the evening, feed the dogs and eat dinner. While eating my homemade quinoa salad I thought about the blessings of the day – a birthday call to my Da, laughs with my Ma, fabulous dog antics, my life and a smile.

A good day indeed and my smile experiment was a success. Smiling within brought my soul to peace.

This was not an earth shattering experiment or anything new for that matter. People have been doing this around the world for ions but I had never consciously managed my life in this way for an entire day. Maybe cleaning my home is no big deal and this may all sound foolish but the shift in energy occurred. It was a noticeable shift. So tomorrow I’ll experiment on my way to work and at work. Who knows what will come next. Imagine if we all smiled at the same time. The energy of the world would shift in a big way. Wow. So why don’t you try it. Smile for no reason, embrace the changes that occur. And as my brother always used to say to me, “Smile God loves you.”

Back in Brooklyn - The Prayer Path, 10 July 2016

Back in Brooklyn – The Prayer Path, 10 July 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

So, I am back from retreat. Three weeks now. My reentry into the every-day life was a bit bumpier than I had anticipated. You see, I had grand plans as to how I’d schedule each moment of each day upon my return. I’d get out of bed at 5am and write for an hour. I’d work on my book, daily thoughts, and my letters to God. Then I’d tend to the dogs, iron my clothes for work, shower, dress for work, and head out about 7:30am or so. I’d write and read on the train. After working anywhere from 8-10 hours, I’d travel back home and think and unwind on the train. Upon returning home, I’d tend to the dogs, do some training and playtime, then I’d meditate, write, write, and write more. I’d cut out all television watching and keep my mind occupied by the creative working of the every-day, of nature, of my dogs, of anything at all.

So, three week go by and what can I say but I didn’t do most of what I listed in the previous paragraph. Oh my, such lofty goals and I underestimated the power and pull of just flopping in front of the television after work and doing nothing. I underestimated the power of putting everything in front of my writing and quiet time, my solace into self and silence. I am addicted to television watching and to procrastinating on what makes my soul sing. “Oh, just set aside an hour or two on a particular day to watch television,” someone pleasantly suggests. Yeah, I tried that and all that does is lead me to watching television for hours. And that brings me to now.

Vegetable Garden, Photo Credit, 2016 Lisa Zuercher

So here I sit, on a pleasant Sunday afternoon after weeding the vegetable garden, talking to a neighbor, watering my plants and playing with the dogs. I am in my backyard staring, watching the potted ornamental grasses sway in the gentle breeze. The once sun laden sky is now a silver-gray, the sky spitting upon me every now and again. The miniature sunflowers are about to burst and I wonder if I’ll find myself in each new bloom as I did in previous years of sunflower growing. The morning glories are still open. Maybe they are amazed that I am actually sitting in the yard enjoying the delicious nectar of creation. The Rose of Sharon bush is in bloom and the white and magenta flowers are brilliant. I wonder where the magenta bush sprouted up from. When I moved into the house there was only a white bush in the garden. Oh, the sweet mysteries of life. The wind chimes are dancing freely as the breeze kicks up its power causing the deep pitched chimes to sing in harmony with the higher pitched chimes.

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Small Wind Chime, Photo Credit, 2016 Lisa Zuercher

The sun, as if answering my call, just peeped her head out to say hello. I smile in return.

Prayer Path, Photo Credit, 2016 Lisa Zuercher

One morning when I was negative self-talking I decided to pray for answers and the determination to keep my dreams alive. I walked into the backyard with the dogs and it dawned on me that I can turn my yard into a prayer garden. I glanced at the slate path and stepping stones and realized I could walk along the path in the same way I’d walk along a labyrinth. I placed both feet on the first stepping stone, placed my hands in prayer position, took some deep belly breaths, said a prayer, placed an intention and began to walk the paths. The yard is small. The path is small. My dreams are big.

I found the slate path to be smooth and mimicked the easy parts of my life. The round, rougher surfaced stones resembled the parts of me that I put on the back burner or the negative self-talk. In the center is a circle made from Belgian blocks. The blocks are uneven. Some are set steady in the dirt and some are loose. As I stepped upon each of those blocks I thought about the challenges in my life, past and current, and as I kept steady, placing one foot tenderly before the other, I found the deeper me, the me that really matters. This circle reminded me of the circle of life, joy and pain, laughter and sorrow, birth and death, Creation and Love.

You see, in this small yard of mine in Brooklyn I learned to move according to the gentle wind. I walked as the squirrels and butterflies encouraged me to step forward and I bowed at the joyful bravo from the leaves clapping delightfully for me. For within this creation I find myself right where I am and this is the answer to my prayer. Inspiration is all around me. Inspiration is within me. Inspiration is creation itself. Inspiration is my seeing a prayer path in my own yard and finding my Self with each step.

Brooklyn welcomed my return from retreat. I had a harder time welcoming myself home. It took some time, many walks along my prayer path, yanking many weeds from the rich soil, and now my bud begins to bloom. Peace. Amen.

Liam (left), Shane (right). Happy after walking the Prayer Path. Photo Credit, 2016 Lisa Zuercher

Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Departure Day, 16 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Departure Day, 16 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

Up early again, yet this time it was out of need to get the car packed and ready to go.

The sky was overcast as if mourning my impending departure. I strolled the property one last time searching for anything I could have missed. I bid my farewells to the squirrels, birds, trees and all those mystical beings making themselves known to me during my retreat.

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Overcast Morning at Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher 2016

As I took each step, squirrels scurried, birds sang sweetly, trees still standing tall and I thought, “Hmm, life goes on.” The life in and of this place shared with me a great many delicacies and are now readying themselves for the next group to arrive. I, in turn, was readying myself to take my learnings back to my everyday life.

And with that thought I felt a drop of rain, then two, then three – yes, I was being baptized by the gentle and cool rain. How fitting, as if sealing my experiences into my heart and soul, while at the same time cleansing the grounds in preparation for the group arriving this afternoon.

Transformation, renewal, rebirth.

At around 7:30am I took my body and soul indoors and sat in an armchair in the vestibule just beside the dining room. Our last group breakfast would take place at 8am and I wanted to jot down my thoughts. Mixed emotions tugged at my heartstrings as I moved my pen gently across my journal pages and I wished we had more time as community, here, now. Yet the cycle of life was at hand. Nothing remains as it is for time does not stand still for anyone. Growth occurred. Love shared. Friends made.

At 8am our group began to gather for our final breaking of the bread around the same table we sat at for every meal – the one closest to the food station. For our last retreat meal the chef prepared pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon, displayed a lovely platter of fresh fruit, bagels, bread, and English muffins. We ate, we laughed as always, shared stories, laughed some more and then the time came, 9am – our concluding prayer and meeting.

Off we walked slowly to the Garden Room (and as I type this now I am wondering if that is, in fact, the name of the room, but it sounds good to me) as if going to witness the Resurrection personally. And this was a resurrection of sorts – we were all rising up, rising up, leaving the old self behind and rising into the newness of beginnings, learnings, and life. Rose, our facilitator, opened up with music and prayer. Sharing personal journeys was next and then shared blessings. All very moving yet the most powerful and impactful moments for me were the shared blessings. This loving act between each artist, and now friend, brought tears to most eyes, including my own. At the conclusion of the blessings the room became silent, eerie almost. Who was going to walk out the door first?

I bid my farewells to all the lovely people with whom I was able to share each step, Rose, Sr. Peggie, Sr. Michael, Sr. Katie, John, Magie, Ulana, Cecilia and Zohra. I will bring home with me each shared story, the laughter, the tears, and remember the art, for this brought us together and bound us as community.

Back left to right: Sr. Katie, Lisa, John, Cecilia. Front left to right: Rose, Sr. Michael, Ulana, Sr. Peggie, Magie, Zohra. Photo credit, Sr. Katie, 2016.

And if you thought my messengers were through with me at this point you got another thing coming.

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One last look from car. Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher 2016.

I walked slowly to my car taking in all that just occurred at the closing. I put my hand on the car door handle and just before opening the door I took a deep breath, took one last look over the property, imprinted the beauty into my memory and then into the car I climbed. Engine on, foot off break and onto accelerator and I slowly made my way out of the car park. And as if to say, “Don’t forget about what we taught you,” a brown squirrel ran in front of the car and then two feet past this occurrence two crows were sitting on the roadway and three were just off to the side at the edge of the grass. They were here to remind me that transformation occurred and that I’d continue to transform through perseverance. I’d overcome obstacles. I’d continue to be keenly aware of the subtle shifts of energy taking place within myself. I’d experience freedom by continuing to make positive life choices. I should embrace my insights and, of course, I need have fun and be more playful. What a send-off.

Next stop, Brooklyn.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Day 6, 15 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 6, 15 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

This is the last full day at the retreat house. My heart saddened as I am not ready to leave this place yet.

My day began even earlier than yesterday. At 4am my eyes popped open. I wanted to send the blog post for day five and I still needed to finish writing the piece and edit it. I jumped out of bed, took a shower and dressed. Then I opened my prayer book and Luke 8:16 welcomed me as the cobwebs began to clear from my brain. “No one who lights a lamp conceals it with a vessel or sets it under a bed; rather, he places it on a lap stand so that those who enter may see the light.” I was struck by the fact that I feel as if I can no longer be concealed and my light needs to shine. And with that, I ran down three flights of stairs so I could begin typing and posting.

I went for a walk after lunch. The day was pleasant; the sun warm and the wind gentle. I basked in the glory of being in a miraculous place where the trees speak my language, where faeries dance among the wooded area, and where totem animals offered their wisdom. As I walked up the hill to the wooded area I sensed the faeries – ever so playful, and I was delighted. I am on the right path. They let me know.

At 2pm the open house began. For two hours employees at the retreat center joined the artists in the work room and we shared what we created during the week. It was a bit awkward showing my website from a computer when most others were displaying paintings, mandalas and sculptures. I held my own though, explained my vision and handed out my information. It’s a start. I got very nice feedback.

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Stillness by the Hudson. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

The open house ended at 4pm and I found myself gravitating to the outdoors. The weather was too miraculous to remain indoors for one minute longer, and I wanted to see, hear and feel what messages would be delivered to me on my final day. I took my spot on a bench overlooking the Hudson and the stillness of the water was insatiable to me. The water reminding me that my thoughts need stilling as I walk through transformation of voice. As I sat in silence butterflies began scurrying about – a large black and yellow one and two little white ones. I practiced a few Reiki chants and sat with arms outstretched giving thanks as I took in everything. Oh, why does this have to come to an end?

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Now comes the interesting part – the black and yellow butterfly circled me twice. The spiritual meaning of butterfly is transformation, renewal, rebirth, lightness of heart and playfulness. And if Spirit thought I didn’t notice the butterfly, a squirrel was sent my way yet again. As I was gazing intently at the calm of the water and thinking about the butterfly and what took place this week, a squirrel seemed to appear out of thin air. I was startled. He looked at me and then walked away. I take this to mean that I should stop being startled by a new voice and persevere so that I can create my dreams. And the butterfly reminded me that transformation is taking place within me and around me and that the renewal of soul is bringing me to a rebirth of myself. Pretty amazing if you ask me.

And with all that learned, dinner eaten, group meeting and prayer completed, I packed bits and pieces into the car and stayed up too late typing this post.

Tomorrow morning I’ll get up early and bring the remaining items to the car. The group will meet for breakfast and one final meeting. Then back to Brooklyn for me. Will Brooklyn be able to handle the transformed and rebirthed me? We’ll see.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Day 5, 14 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 5, 14 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

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Sunset Blanketing Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

Can another day be done? It’s 9:05pm and I am sitting in the artists’ work room. I, for some strange reason, decided to work here rather than my bedroom. I just came in from a walk. I thought it would be a nice idea to capture a picture of the sunset. Oh my, the bugs were ferocious and I swear they were dive bombing me, I feel like one is in my ear. So my sunset observing lasted all but ten minutes.

The day started out like the others. I was up very early again today, 5:00am or so. I showered, dressed and went to the work room. I figured I’d get a jump on the day, send the Daily Thought about giving thanks and complete writing the blog from day four. I am happy to report that I had no technical difficulties today – meaning technical difficulties with myself and my understanding of technology. Writing and editing took about 3 hours. Ah, the writer’s life… Breakfast and group prayer interrupted the process and before I could blink it was 11:30am. The storytelling around the meal table was quite fun, the group was animated and I found myself with a lighter heart after leaving the table.

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Afternoon Stroll at Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

After lunch I strolled along the property. Spirit was urging me to take it slow, concentrate on each step and listen to all that was being said in between. The mystical presence of faeries was prevalent today and the trees were quite vocal. Everywhere I looked sheer beauty rested upon my heart. The smile stretched across my lips caused my cheeks to hurt. For how long had I been smiling during this walk I wondered? What was going on in this place? All that talk from the group on days one and two about how special this place was, I hadn’t felt it or witnessed it until day three and with each step now it’s getting stronger.

So here I am on day four and the magic of the place is filling every cell of my body. It is reaching me energetically and communicating with me. The trees comforted me today and I knew I was being guided. Guided to open my heart as wide as the ocean and bare my soul so that the eternal life-energy shared by these trees was being absorbed by me. Their beautiful bodies rooted in the earth and majestic branches dancing up to the sky. Firm and flexible. Balanced.

Old Barn at Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

As I walked across the expansive lawn toward the old barn enjoying all that spirit was whispering to me a dragonfly dove in front of me and flew around me. His color appeared to be golden. The wings shimmering from the sunlight. What a beauty. Instantly I knew another message was being placed before me and within me. The symbolism of dragonfly is change, adaptability, lightness of being, finding joy in life, connection with spirits and faerie realms and understanding the deeper meaning of life. Wow. Just moments before, the massage therapist texted me that she was stuck in traffic and didn’t know when she’d be able to start our appointment. I texted back that she could text me when she arrived to her studio and was ready to see me. After all I was only a ten minute drive away. She was delighted by that. Everything was good. Was dragonfly crossing my path confirmation about the message of adaptability and change or what? I’d say 100% yes.

The massage and energy work I received on day two of the retreat helped to open my energy fields and the deep tissue work began releasing kinks from my muscles and tendons. Pressure points touched unleashed blockages and I felt like I was floating on a cloud. At the massage session today the knots in my neck and back were removed after much care. I could feel the blockages melting and the negative energy flowing out of my body. Toward the end of the session I could sense a great deal of energy around my head when suddenly my third eye burst open and I saw a scrumptious giant ball of golden light, and then an eye appeared and it was staring at me stare at her. This energy center is known as an area of intuition and may lead to an inner wisdom if you let it. Seeing the eye of God see me reminded me that when you look into the eyes of God it is you that is reflected back. This is powerful and deep rooted in my journey. It was an answer to many questions.  

The squirrel totem also surfaced during the massage when I was asked to breathe into a point near my clavicle, where the therapist was pressing, and receive a gift. I was to imagine I was just handed a gift. I laughed at what it was. An ice cream cone. I don’t eat ice cream cones any longer, although diving into a vat of ice cream sounds divine at the moment. I couldn’t accept this cone. I laughed. The massage therapist asked me what the cone might mean to me. It reminded me of the delight of childhood, of being a kid, smiles and laughter. My parents would treat us to cones and as I’d balance my chocolate ice cream with chocolate sprinkles atop my sugar cone I’d have to, at some point, lick furiously to keep the ice cream from dripping down the cone, across my hands and ultimately onto my shirt. And the next challenge was to bite a hole in the bottom of the sugar cone and suck the ice cream through the hole before it had a chance to drip out. Deliriously brilliant memories. So this ice cream cone message was to bring playfulness into my life, continue to persevere and not to let obstacles stop me. This was the second day this message was being brought to the forefront.

After the session I drove back to the retreat house and what do you know, a squirrel was waiting for me at the side door. I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t believe it. The little guy was just sitting, waiting. I got about 2 feet from him, he gazed at me, as if saying, “It’s about time you listen to what I have to say,” and then walked very slowly across the lane and onto the grass. I thanked him and went inside.

Mystical experiences appearing. God tickling my ribs. Laughter, peace, and the waltz continues.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat,Day 4, 13 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 4, 13 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

I got up before the crow cawed this morning. I found my sleep in the night full of words, thoughts and musings. The night previous, I sat up in bed writing the draft of my day three post and my intention was to get up early, type it up, copy to the blog, resize pictures, upload, press send and voila. Think again, lovelies, think again.

I go out of bed around 4:45am. I just couldn’t contain my excitement. I was exuberant to greet this day with an explosion of love and wonder. Today would be day one for sending my Daily Thought to my subscriber list, along with publishing the second blog post. First I needed to BE in nature, the place where I meet God the most.

As I am getting ready the crow makes a half-arsed attempt to caw and I giggled because he probably realized that I beat him to the punch. His totem energy from the preceding day was teaching me, transformation was occurring. And the squirrel totem energy of perseverance and playfulness was silently finding its way to my healing center. This was important for me to realize because I knew I was still a bit anxious about the vulnerability involved in sending my voice into the land of the web, into the internet chatter space that I still didn’t comprehend, and into people’s email boxes.

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Geese Among Clouds, Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

So out I go, around 5:40am, and the first thing I notice is the intrinsically fresh and crisp attributes of the air. I inhaled deeply and thanked God for this gift. A few steps into the walk I notice the cloud formations. The sun hadn’t yet burned the grayish tinge off these delectable goodies in the sky and the contrast of gray and white against the azure blue sky caused my heart to skip a beat. I felt like I was five years old again and running down the wooden stairs in our family home on Christmas morning to see what Santa left under the tree.

Out came my phone and I began taking picture after picture. Then I began scurrying around the property, like a squirrel looking for buried nuts, chasing the clouds so I wouldn’t miss a good shot. I put on quite a performance. As a matter of fact I don’t recall seeing any squirrels this morning. I bet they were all perched around the perimeter watching the strange human running after clouds. My breath taken away, each cloud a gift to my soul.

After an hour or so, I headed to the work room. I turned on my computer, took out my notes and the first order of the creative process was to publish my first Daily Thought through MailChimp (the mailing list service I signed up to use). I logged in, replicated a test campaign so I wouldn’t have to create the entire mailing from scratch, and, oddly enough, the replication didn’t work correctly. The picture was giving me issues. It wasn’t transferring. After a few attempts, a low-grade frustration building and my repeating the word perseverance over and over in my head, I decided to forge ahead, find a new picture, resize it and upload to the template. All systems were now ready. I took a very deep breath and pressed send. Daily Thought number one was on its way to the mail boxes of all those signed up. I swear I felt like I just gave birth.

Breakfast was the next charge of the day and then back to the work room to post day three blog of the retreat journey. What should have taken thirty minutes or less took five hours. Five freaking hours.

First was transcribing notes. No problem. Second was choosing pictures to go with the post. No problem. Third, resizing photos. Problem. Ugh. The trick, I am learning, is to reduce the pixel size of each photo so that the pictures don’t impede the opening of the web pages. Okay, I get that, but why was I having so much difficulty resizing. I even signed up for a Canva.com account and realized rather quickly that I was bringing upon myself more torturous learnings. Canva wouldn’t allow me to upload the two pictures I wanted to use. I abandon that rather quickly.

At lunch time Sr. Katie suggests a Microsoft photo program that I happened to have on my computer. I took yet another deep breath, uploaded the pictures, and resized them. Was this a miracle or what?

What came next was the “I want to throw my computer out the window” episode of the “Lisa and the Blog Entry” reality show. I copy and paste my content into notepad so all formatting is stripped from the piece. For those not aware of this, as I wasn’t when I started, formatting from one program will most probably be misread in another program so best so strip the formats. Okay, that’s done. Now it’s time to upload the photos. Great. No problem. Wonderful. Next, position the pictures. It doesn’t work. Why can’t I get these pictures positioned correctly? Then the page would not save. I had to delete and start again. Over and over and over again I tried. When does perseverance turn into a complete waste of one’s time? Seriously, when?

Now at the 4.5 hour mark, surprised that I have any hair left on my head at all, I decide to reach out to the Squarespace help line. I send them an instant message and in about two seconds I receive a response letting me know it will be a moment before someone is able to assist. A moment goes by and I receive a ping on my computer. It’s Jamie M from Squarespace. He gets into my account, makes a video demonstrating picture placement using my blog post, sends me the link and within 5 minutes I am watching a video with my blog and uploaded photo as the example. Wow. Another 3 minutes later I upload the second picture, positioned it and the post was ready. Submit button pressed. The post now living and breathing in internet land. Lesson – set a certain time to muddle through, know your limitations, and then reach out and ask for help. As a treat and rejuvenation I strolled outside and found a spot for myself.

Sitting in the sun overlooking the Hudson I found my soul settle into its own rhythm. The rhythm of God as he works within me in varied ways. The sunshine providing much needed vitamin D and warmth to my skin. The gentle breeze caressing my cheeks and I could hear the birds saying, “I love you.” I was being tended to. The serenity blanketing my being brought a HUGE smile to my face, to my soul, to my spirit. I fell in love again at this very moment – in love with all that is good, and pure, and sweet, and caring, and honest, and with all that sings sweetly to me as I sit and wait in the silence with all creation.

Everyone in the group seems to be gliding into a rhythm. Painters creating life on paper, sculptors molding clay to life, photographers capturing life in a snapshot, and writers bringing words to life and life to words on paper. Ah, the joy of this time away, in community, in communion with creatives creating.

Now around 10pm and before settling in for the evening I had one last thing to do; I had to gaze at the brilliant moon. I was taken aback. The beauty. The strength. The serenity. The healing. This beautiful moon, in all her radiance, completed my day and blessed with a deep inner peace. Ah the serene exhale, our breaths meeting in the middle and moon-love radiating brightly.

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Moon over Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

So through the angst of technology foibles that put me way behind my goals for the day (and week for that matter) I met God right where I was. In the midst of challenges I honored my need to commune with the nature that soothes me, and quieted myself enough to hear the gentle echo of His love song to me. Everything is alright.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Day 3, 12 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 3, 12 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

Awoken by a crow at 5:40am I decided to start this journey anew. Fresh thoughts, fear embraced, and a gentler me peeped her head out and took a deep breath. I wondered what the symbolism for crow meant and learned she symbolized power of sight, transformation and subtle shifts of energy within self. As crow sees from a higher perspective, I knew this crow was prodding me to start my day with the new lens of heart shining through.

I was outside by 6:30am. Beach chair in hand (I always travel with beach chairs in the trunk of my car; never know when they’ll come in handy) I walked to the far eastern section of the car park. The spot was bug free and my heart was just as free. My soul was radiating. I took a seat on my well placed blue beach chair and gazed at the brilliant sun and allowed her warmth to fill my soul. The wind continued its accompaniment to the maple and oak trees dancing. And the caressing of unseen spirit, the energy of Love brought a smile to my face.

Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

I tipped my head back and took advice from the crow and allowed the mysteries of life to awaken my core. I gazed deeper into the subtle shift of energy I was birthing. After a bit, I opened my journal and stared at the blank page. No writing this morning as there was an abundance of wisdom to absorb from my surroundings and I didn’t want to miss a thing. Healing was taking place. Focus. Wind. Singing birds. Dancing trees. I felt lighter.

Between breakfast and lunch I sat in the artists’ work room yet my heart was calling me elsewhere. A long conversation with Sr. Peggie, sculptor extraordinaire, ensued as she described her process. I could see God taking hold of her sculpture. I could see the holy radiating from her to me as we shared stories and laughed.

Trail of Serenity. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

A long walk around the property followed; my mind, body and spirit were still processing the energetic shifts. Picture taking helped me to capture God’s beauty and record the steps I was taking. The wind ferociously beating about had the trees dancing the paso doble; their intense movement released the remaining sludge hiding in my soul.

God was everywhere, there was no denying it.

This evening Sr. Peggie recited to the group Prinderella and the Cince, a word play on the Cinderella story, which she’d memorized so many years ago. After the first line the flood gates opened. I was howling, doubled over and my body heaving from laughter. This was Love. This was Peace. This was Community.

So where did I find God today – Everywhere. Today was an easy God sighting day. My foundation was well placed and I was open to receiving. I realized, yet again, that within the ebb and flow of life wherever I am, there too is God.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat Day 2, 11 June 2016

Where have I found myself these past two days? I simply don’t know. And where have I found God? I’d love to say everywhere but I am not certain about that either. I brought with me a giant suitcase filled with some clothes, many journals for transcription and a deluxe folding crate with wheels packed with an abundance of art supplies (like I’ll even use any of them – I haven’t used them in years, but miracles do happen you know.). Yet bigger than the suitcase and folding crate are my dreams of writing my entire story during a one week retreat. And as my writing muscle shriveled up and died as soon as I walked onto the property, don’t go searching for the day one entry.

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Mariandale Retreat Center. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

I walked the grounds like a caged animal searching for freedom. The cage too small for the girth of the creature and the pacing making him ravenous. That’s me. I can’t find my place here. I can’t find a place to plant my rear end, meditate and write. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of places to sit. Quite lovely spots indeed, however I haven’t managed to find the spot where bird poop wasn’t prevalent and where large biting ants weren’t looking for their next victim. Me and biting ants – God’s creatures I am well aware – just don’t get along. So I’ve been prowling the property praying, begging the angels to help me find my place.

This brought my thoughts back to my years at St. Joseph’s Retreat House in Cohasset, MA where the ocean would sing to my soul and the large boulder upon which I sat day after day became my rock, my foundation. The veranda overlooking the grounds and ocean was my solace and I felt every inch of creation down to my soul while I was there. And not finding “my” spot the first day at Mariandale is concerning to me as this is a time for me to quiet myself (although this isn’t a silent retreat) and get in tune with my words and vision for taking steps into my dreams.

So dearest God, what do you have planned for me? What is in store for me during this retreat? Why the anxious feelings? To what are you pushing me to contend? What demons are tugging at me? Why do I not feel free in the open spaces of this place?

I know you are anticipating the answer, right! Here is the message Spirit delivered to me at 9:30pm. I feel quite myself, my true self, when I am near the ocean where I can sit and take in its strength day after day. The words roll out of me as each wave dances upon the shore and as each seagull caws my name. Since I don’t have the ocean at my beck and call right now I need to face myself head on. I am stuck. I am afraid to post my writing and my thoughts. I am agonizing over this. I am being charged with searching for new ways to create, to write, to be me. This morning I put my heart to the challenge at hand. I got up early, showered, dressed and began my search for God. Why was God not making this easier for me, after all the only thing I want to do is find God in the everyday while sharing that waltz with the world.

The every-day is messy, a pain in the arse at times, it’s wonderful and thought provoking, and it is challenging. And my grandiose ideas of settling right in, creating inspiration in lightning speed, transcribing journals, writing books and changing some website info while I run from giant biting ants has fallen just shy of my getting in the car and driving back home. So I needed to recalibrate.

“God, oh God, where are you today? Lisa wants you to come out and play,” I whisper loudly within the confines of my frustration. And the answer came through the whisper of God’s breath as a gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the maple and oak trees creating for me a love song only God could sing. He dove into the depth of my soul urging me to continue on the journey and explore lavishly the peace of being still. Could it be this easy?

I took a seat on the trunk of my car – for sure the giant biting ants wouldn’t find me there. I sat and continued to delight in the whisper of the wind, the gentle caress of my soul. I sat there and when words didn’t pour from my heart to my pen to the paper I said, “Hello, I need assistance here.” Something caught the corner of my eye. There was squirrel about two feet from me. It was a cute little brown squirrel holding some type of round nut in his mouth. He had the most gentle, brown eyes. He gazed up at me and what did I do, I swished him away. This city girl thought this gentle eyed, killer squirrel was going to attack her. I swished him again. He takes one tiny step forward. “Go on now, scoot,” I say. He looks at me lovingly and probably saying to himself, “Hello, you asked God for something and here I am. You wanted a message and I appeared. Dopey human.” And as soon as he passed me I knew in my soul that a messenger was placed before me. I felt the gentle, playful and loving spirit of Fionn (my current border collie companion) and Liam (border collie companion in heaven) touch me as the squirrel passed. I allowed my fear to get the best of me. So I took a deep breath, centered myself to my foundation, and I quickly looked up the meaning of squirrel messengers: playful, perseverant, don’t let obstacles impede progress.

Just when I felt like packing it in I am reminded to add playtime, persevere in my wanting to find God in the everyday while sharing that waltz with the world, and not allow obstacles of fear to impede my progress.

Not bad for day two.