Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Departure Day, 16 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Departure Day, 16 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

Up early again, yet this time it was out of need to get the car packed and ready to go.

The sky was overcast as if mourning my impending departure. I strolled the property one last time searching for anything I could have missed. I bid my farewells to the squirrels, birds, trees and all those mystical beings making themselves known to me during my retreat.

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Overcast Morning at Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher 2016

As I took each step, squirrels scurried, birds sang sweetly, trees still standing tall and I thought, “Hmm, life goes on.” The life in and of this place shared with me a great many delicacies and are now readying themselves for the next group to arrive. I, in turn, was readying myself to take my learnings back to my everyday life.

And with that thought I felt a drop of rain, then two, then three – yes, I was being baptized by the gentle and cool rain. How fitting, as if sealing my experiences into my heart and soul, while at the same time cleansing the grounds in preparation for the group arriving this afternoon.

Transformation, renewal, rebirth.

At around 7:30am I took my body and soul indoors and sat in an armchair in the vestibule just beside the dining room. Our last group breakfast would take place at 8am and I wanted to jot down my thoughts. Mixed emotions tugged at my heartstrings as I moved my pen gently across my journal pages and I wished we had more time as community, here, now. Yet the cycle of life was at hand. Nothing remains as it is for time does not stand still for anyone. Growth occurred. Love shared. Friends made.

At 8am our group began to gather for our final breaking of the bread around the same table we sat at for every meal – the one closest to the food station. For our last retreat meal the chef prepared pancakes, scrambled eggs and bacon, displayed a lovely platter of fresh fruit, bagels, bread, and English muffins. We ate, we laughed as always, shared stories, laughed some more and then the time came, 9am – our concluding prayer and meeting.

Off we walked slowly to the Garden Room (and as I type this now I am wondering if that is, in fact, the name of the room, but it sounds good to me) as if going to witness the Resurrection personally. And this was a resurrection of sorts – we were all rising up, rising up, leaving the old self behind and rising into the newness of beginnings, learnings, and life. Rose, our facilitator, opened up with music and prayer. Sharing personal journeys was next and then shared blessings. All very moving yet the most powerful and impactful moments for me were the shared blessings. This loving act between each artist, and now friend, brought tears to most eyes, including my own. At the conclusion of the blessings the room became silent, eerie almost. Who was going to walk out the door first?

I bid my farewells to all the lovely people with whom I was able to share each step, Rose, Sr. Peggie, Sr. Michael, Sr. Katie, John, Magie, Ulana, Cecilia and Zohra. I will bring home with me each shared story, the laughter, the tears, and remember the art, for this brought us together and bound us as community.

Back left to right: Sr. Katie, Lisa, John, Cecilia. Front left to right: Rose, Sr. Michael, Ulana, Sr. Peggie, Magie, Zohra. Photo credit, Sr. Katie, 2016.

And if you thought my messengers were through with me at this point you got another thing coming.

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One last look from car. Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher 2016.

I walked slowly to my car taking in all that just occurred at the closing. I put my hand on the car door handle and just before opening the door I took a deep breath, took one last look over the property, imprinted the beauty into my memory and then into the car I climbed. Engine on, foot off break and onto accelerator and I slowly made my way out of the car park. And as if to say, “Don’t forget about what we taught you,” a brown squirrel ran in front of the car and then two feet past this occurrence two crows were sitting on the roadway and three were just off to the side at the edge of the grass. They were here to remind me that transformation occurred and that I’d continue to transform through perseverance. I’d overcome obstacles. I’d continue to be keenly aware of the subtle shifts of energy taking place within myself. I’d experience freedom by continuing to make positive life choices. I should embrace my insights and, of course, I need have fun and be more playful. What a send-off.

Next stop, Brooklyn.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Day 6, 15 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 6, 15 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

This is the last full day at the retreat house. My heart saddened as I am not ready to leave this place yet.

My day began even earlier than yesterday. At 4am my eyes popped open. I wanted to send the blog post for day five and I still needed to finish writing the piece and edit it. I jumped out of bed, took a shower and dressed. Then I opened my prayer book and Luke 8:16 welcomed me as the cobwebs began to clear from my brain. “No one who lights a lamp conceals it with a vessel or sets it under a bed; rather, he places it on a lap stand so that those who enter may see the light.” I was struck by the fact that I feel as if I can no longer be concealed and my light needs to shine. And with that, I ran down three flights of stairs so I could begin typing and posting.

I went for a walk after lunch. The day was pleasant; the sun warm and the wind gentle. I basked in the glory of being in a miraculous place where the trees speak my language, where faeries dance among the wooded area, and where totem animals offered their wisdom. As I walked up the hill to the wooded area I sensed the faeries – ever so playful, and I was delighted. I am on the right path. They let me know.

At 2pm the open house began. For two hours employees at the retreat center joined the artists in the work room and we shared what we created during the week. It was a bit awkward showing my website from a computer when most others were displaying paintings, mandalas and sculptures. I held my own though, explained my vision and handed out my information. It’s a start. I got very nice feedback.

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Stillness by the Hudson. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

The open house ended at 4pm and I found myself gravitating to the outdoors. The weather was too miraculous to remain indoors for one minute longer, and I wanted to see, hear and feel what messages would be delivered to me on my final day. I took my spot on a bench overlooking the Hudson and the stillness of the water was insatiable to me. The water reminding me that my thoughts need stilling as I walk through transformation of voice. As I sat in silence butterflies began scurrying about – a large black and yellow one and two little white ones. I practiced a few Reiki chants and sat with arms outstretched giving thanks as I took in everything. Oh, why does this have to come to an end?

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Now comes the interesting part – the black and yellow butterfly circled me twice. The spiritual meaning of butterfly is transformation, renewal, rebirth, lightness of heart and playfulness. And if Spirit thought I didn’t notice the butterfly, a squirrel was sent my way yet again. As I was gazing intently at the calm of the water and thinking about the butterfly and what took place this week, a squirrel seemed to appear out of thin air. I was startled. He looked at me and then walked away. I take this to mean that I should stop being startled by a new voice and persevere so that I can create my dreams. And the butterfly reminded me that transformation is taking place within me and around me and that the renewal of soul is bringing me to a rebirth of myself. Pretty amazing if you ask me.

And with all that learned, dinner eaten, group meeting and prayer completed, I packed bits and pieces into the car and stayed up too late typing this post.

Tomorrow morning I’ll get up early and bring the remaining items to the car. The group will meet for breakfast and one final meeting. Then back to Brooklyn for me. Will Brooklyn be able to handle the transformed and rebirthed me? We’ll see.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Day 5, 14 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 5, 14 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

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Sunset Blanketing Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

Can another day be done? It’s 9:05pm and I am sitting in the artists’ work room. I, for some strange reason, decided to work here rather than my bedroom. I just came in from a walk. I thought it would be a nice idea to capture a picture of the sunset. Oh my, the bugs were ferocious and I swear they were dive bombing me, I feel like one is in my ear. So my sunset observing lasted all but ten minutes.

The day started out like the others. I was up very early again today, 5:00am or so. I showered, dressed and went to the work room. I figured I’d get a jump on the day, send the Daily Thought about giving thanks and complete writing the blog from day four. I am happy to report that I had no technical difficulties today – meaning technical difficulties with myself and my understanding of technology. Writing and editing took about 3 hours. Ah, the writer’s life… Breakfast and group prayer interrupted the process and before I could blink it was 11:30am. The storytelling around the meal table was quite fun, the group was animated and I found myself with a lighter heart after leaving the table.

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Afternoon Stroll at Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

After lunch I strolled along the property. Spirit was urging me to take it slow, concentrate on each step and listen to all that was being said in between. The mystical presence of faeries was prevalent today and the trees were quite vocal. Everywhere I looked sheer beauty rested upon my heart. The smile stretched across my lips caused my cheeks to hurt. For how long had I been smiling during this walk I wondered? What was going on in this place? All that talk from the group on days one and two about how special this place was, I hadn’t felt it or witnessed it until day three and with each step now it’s getting stronger.

So here I am on day four and the magic of the place is filling every cell of my body. It is reaching me energetically and communicating with me. The trees comforted me today and I knew I was being guided. Guided to open my heart as wide as the ocean and bare my soul so that the eternal life-energy shared by these trees was being absorbed by me. Their beautiful bodies rooted in the earth and majestic branches dancing up to the sky. Firm and flexible. Balanced.

Old Barn at Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

As I walked across the expansive lawn toward the old barn enjoying all that spirit was whispering to me a dragonfly dove in front of me and flew around me. His color appeared to be golden. The wings shimmering from the sunlight. What a beauty. Instantly I knew another message was being placed before me and within me. The symbolism of dragonfly is change, adaptability, lightness of being, finding joy in life, connection with spirits and faerie realms and understanding the deeper meaning of life. Wow. Just moments before, the massage therapist texted me that she was stuck in traffic and didn’t know when she’d be able to start our appointment. I texted back that she could text me when she arrived to her studio and was ready to see me. After all I was only a ten minute drive away. She was delighted by that. Everything was good. Was dragonfly crossing my path confirmation about the message of adaptability and change or what? I’d say 100% yes.

The massage and energy work I received on day two of the retreat helped to open my energy fields and the deep tissue work began releasing kinks from my muscles and tendons. Pressure points touched unleashed blockages and I felt like I was floating on a cloud. At the massage session today the knots in my neck and back were removed after much care. I could feel the blockages melting and the negative energy flowing out of my body. Toward the end of the session I could sense a great deal of energy around my head when suddenly my third eye burst open and I saw a scrumptious giant ball of golden light, and then an eye appeared and it was staring at me stare at her. This energy center is known as an area of intuition and may lead to an inner wisdom if you let it. Seeing the eye of God see me reminded me that when you look into the eyes of God it is you that is reflected back. This is powerful and deep rooted in my journey. It was an answer to many questions.  

The squirrel totem also surfaced during the massage when I was asked to breathe into a point near my clavicle, where the therapist was pressing, and receive a gift. I was to imagine I was just handed a gift. I laughed at what it was. An ice cream cone. I don’t eat ice cream cones any longer, although diving into a vat of ice cream sounds divine at the moment. I couldn’t accept this cone. I laughed. The massage therapist asked me what the cone might mean to me. It reminded me of the delight of childhood, of being a kid, smiles and laughter. My parents would treat us to cones and as I’d balance my chocolate ice cream with chocolate sprinkles atop my sugar cone I’d have to, at some point, lick furiously to keep the ice cream from dripping down the cone, across my hands and ultimately onto my shirt. And the next challenge was to bite a hole in the bottom of the sugar cone and suck the ice cream through the hole before it had a chance to drip out. Deliriously brilliant memories. So this ice cream cone message was to bring playfulness into my life, continue to persevere and not to let obstacles stop me. This was the second day this message was being brought to the forefront.

After the session I drove back to the retreat house and what do you know, a squirrel was waiting for me at the side door. I stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t believe it. The little guy was just sitting, waiting. I got about 2 feet from him, he gazed at me, as if saying, “It’s about time you listen to what I have to say,” and then walked very slowly across the lane and onto the grass. I thanked him and went inside.

Mystical experiences appearing. God tickling my ribs. Laughter, peace, and the waltz continues.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat,Day 4, 13 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 4, 13 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

I got up before the crow cawed this morning. I found my sleep in the night full of words, thoughts and musings. The night previous, I sat up in bed writing the draft of my day three post and my intention was to get up early, type it up, copy to the blog, resize pictures, upload, press send and voila. Think again, lovelies, think again.

I go out of bed around 4:45am. I just couldn’t contain my excitement. I was exuberant to greet this day with an explosion of love and wonder. Today would be day one for sending my Daily Thought to my subscriber list, along with publishing the second blog post. First I needed to BE in nature, the place where I meet God the most.

As I am getting ready the crow makes a half-arsed attempt to caw and I giggled because he probably realized that I beat him to the punch. His totem energy from the preceding day was teaching me, transformation was occurring. And the squirrel totem energy of perseverance and playfulness was silently finding its way to my healing center. This was important for me to realize because I knew I was still a bit anxious about the vulnerability involved in sending my voice into the land of the web, into the internet chatter space that I still didn’t comprehend, and into people’s email boxes.

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Geese Among Clouds, Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

So out I go, around 5:40am, and the first thing I notice is the intrinsically fresh and crisp attributes of the air. I inhaled deeply and thanked God for this gift. A few steps into the walk I notice the cloud formations. The sun hadn’t yet burned the grayish tinge off these delectable goodies in the sky and the contrast of gray and white against the azure blue sky caused my heart to skip a beat. I felt like I was five years old again and running down the wooden stairs in our family home on Christmas morning to see what Santa left under the tree.

Out came my phone and I began taking picture after picture. Then I began scurrying around the property, like a squirrel looking for buried nuts, chasing the clouds so I wouldn’t miss a good shot. I put on quite a performance. As a matter of fact I don’t recall seeing any squirrels this morning. I bet they were all perched around the perimeter watching the strange human running after clouds. My breath taken away, each cloud a gift to my soul.

After an hour or so, I headed to the work room. I turned on my computer, took out my notes and the first order of the creative process was to publish my first Daily Thought through MailChimp (the mailing list service I signed up to use). I logged in, replicated a test campaign so I wouldn’t have to create the entire mailing from scratch, and, oddly enough, the replication didn’t work correctly. The picture was giving me issues. It wasn’t transferring. After a few attempts, a low-grade frustration building and my repeating the word perseverance over and over in my head, I decided to forge ahead, find a new picture, resize it and upload to the template. All systems were now ready. I took a very deep breath and pressed send. Daily Thought number one was on its way to the mail boxes of all those signed up. I swear I felt like I just gave birth.

Breakfast was the next charge of the day and then back to the work room to post day three blog of the retreat journey. What should have taken thirty minutes or less took five hours. Five freaking hours.

First was transcribing notes. No problem. Second was choosing pictures to go with the post. No problem. Third, resizing photos. Problem. Ugh. The trick, I am learning, is to reduce the pixel size of each photo so that the pictures don’t impede the opening of the web pages. Okay, I get that, but why was I having so much difficulty resizing. I even signed up for a Canva.com account and realized rather quickly that I was bringing upon myself more torturous learnings. Canva wouldn’t allow me to upload the two pictures I wanted to use. I abandon that rather quickly.

At lunch time Sr. Katie suggests a Microsoft photo program that I happened to have on my computer. I took yet another deep breath, uploaded the pictures, and resized them. Was this a miracle or what?

What came next was the “I want to throw my computer out the window” episode of the “Lisa and the Blog Entry” reality show. I copy and paste my content into notepad so all formatting is stripped from the piece. For those not aware of this, as I wasn’t when I started, formatting from one program will most probably be misread in another program so best so strip the formats. Okay, that’s done. Now it’s time to upload the photos. Great. No problem. Wonderful. Next, position the pictures. It doesn’t work. Why can’t I get these pictures positioned correctly? Then the page would not save. I had to delete and start again. Over and over and over again I tried. When does perseverance turn into a complete waste of one’s time? Seriously, when?

Now at the 4.5 hour mark, surprised that I have any hair left on my head at all, I decide to reach out to the Squarespace help line. I send them an instant message and in about two seconds I receive a response letting me know it will be a moment before someone is able to assist. A moment goes by and I receive a ping on my computer. It’s Jamie M from Squarespace. He gets into my account, makes a video demonstrating picture placement using my blog post, sends me the link and within 5 minutes I am watching a video with my blog and uploaded photo as the example. Wow. Another 3 minutes later I upload the second picture, positioned it and the post was ready. Submit button pressed. The post now living and breathing in internet land. Lesson – set a certain time to muddle through, know your limitations, and then reach out and ask for help. As a treat and rejuvenation I strolled outside and found a spot for myself.

Sitting in the sun overlooking the Hudson I found my soul settle into its own rhythm. The rhythm of God as he works within me in varied ways. The sunshine providing much needed vitamin D and warmth to my skin. The gentle breeze caressing my cheeks and I could hear the birds saying, “I love you.” I was being tended to. The serenity blanketing my being brought a HUGE smile to my face, to my soul, to my spirit. I fell in love again at this very moment – in love with all that is good, and pure, and sweet, and caring, and honest, and with all that sings sweetly to me as I sit and wait in the silence with all creation.

Everyone in the group seems to be gliding into a rhythm. Painters creating life on paper, sculptors molding clay to life, photographers capturing life in a snapshot, and writers bringing words to life and life to words on paper. Ah, the joy of this time away, in community, in communion with creatives creating.

Now around 10pm and before settling in for the evening I had one last thing to do; I had to gaze at the brilliant moon. I was taken aback. The beauty. The strength. The serenity. The healing. This beautiful moon, in all her radiance, completed my day and blessed with a deep inner peace. Ah the serene exhale, our breaths meeting in the middle and moon-love radiating brightly.

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Moon over Mariandale. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

So through the angst of technology foibles that put me way behind my goals for the day (and week for that matter) I met God right where I was. In the midst of challenges I honored my need to commune with the nature that soothes me, and quieted myself enough to hear the gentle echo of His love song to me. Everything is alright.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat, Day 3, 12 June 2016

Artists’ Contemplative Retreat, Day 3, 12 June 2016, by Lisa Zuercher

Awoken by a crow at 5:40am I decided to start this journey anew. Fresh thoughts, fear embraced, and a gentler me peeped her head out and took a deep breath. I wondered what the symbolism for crow meant and learned she symbolized power of sight, transformation and subtle shifts of energy within self. As crow sees from a higher perspective, I knew this crow was prodding me to start my day with the new lens of heart shining through.

I was outside by 6:30am. Beach chair in hand (I always travel with beach chairs in the trunk of my car; never know when they’ll come in handy) I walked to the far eastern section of the car park. The spot was bug free and my heart was just as free. My soul was radiating. I took a seat on my well placed blue beach chair and gazed at the brilliant sun and allowed her warmth to fill my soul. The wind continued its accompaniment to the maple and oak trees dancing. And the caressing of unseen spirit, the energy of Love brought a smile to my face.

Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

I tipped my head back and took advice from the crow and allowed the mysteries of life to awaken my core. I gazed deeper into the subtle shift of energy I was birthing. After a bit, I opened my journal and stared at the blank page. No writing this morning as there was an abundance of wisdom to absorb from my surroundings and I didn’t want to miss a thing. Healing was taking place. Focus. Wind. Singing birds. Dancing trees. I felt lighter.

Between breakfast and lunch I sat in the artists’ work room yet my heart was calling me elsewhere. A long conversation with Sr. Peggie, sculptor extraordinaire, ensued as she described her process. I could see God taking hold of her sculpture. I could see the holy radiating from her to me as we shared stories and laughed.

Trail of Serenity. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016

A long walk around the property followed; my mind, body and spirit were still processing the energetic shifts. Picture taking helped me to capture God’s beauty and record the steps I was taking. The wind ferociously beating about had the trees dancing the paso doble; their intense movement released the remaining sludge hiding in my soul.

God was everywhere, there was no denying it.

This evening Sr. Peggie recited to the group Prinderella and the Cince, a word play on the Cinderella story, which she’d memorized so many years ago. After the first line the flood gates opened. I was howling, doubled over and my body heaving from laughter. This was Love. This was Peace. This was Community.

So where did I find God today – Everywhere. Today was an easy God sighting day. My foundation was well placed and I was open to receiving. I realized, yet again, that within the ebb and flow of life wherever I am, there too is God.

Artists' Contemplative Retreat Day 2, 11 June 2016

Where have I found myself these past two days? I simply don’t know. And where have I found God? I’d love to say everywhere but I am not certain about that either. I brought with me a giant suitcase filled with some clothes, many journals for transcription and a deluxe folding crate with wheels packed with an abundance of art supplies (like I’ll even use any of them – I haven’t used them in years, but miracles do happen you know.). Yet bigger than the suitcase and folding crate are my dreams of writing my entire story during a one week retreat. And as my writing muscle shriveled up and died as soon as I walked onto the property, don’t go searching for the day one entry.

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Mariandale Retreat Center. Photo credit, Lisa Zuercher, 2016.

I walked the grounds like a caged animal searching for freedom. The cage too small for the girth of the creature and the pacing making him ravenous. That’s me. I can’t find my place here. I can’t find a place to plant my rear end, meditate and write. Oh, don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of places to sit. Quite lovely spots indeed, however I haven’t managed to find the spot where bird poop wasn’t prevalent and where large biting ants weren’t looking for their next victim. Me and biting ants – God’s creatures I am well aware – just don’t get along. So I’ve been prowling the property praying, begging the angels to help me find my place.

This brought my thoughts back to my years at St. Joseph’s Retreat House in Cohasset, MA where the ocean would sing to my soul and the large boulder upon which I sat day after day became my rock, my foundation. The veranda overlooking the grounds and ocean was my solace and I felt every inch of creation down to my soul while I was there. And not finding “my” spot the first day at Mariandale is concerning to me as this is a time for me to quiet myself (although this isn’t a silent retreat) and get in tune with my words and vision for taking steps into my dreams.

So dearest God, what do you have planned for me? What is in store for me during this retreat? Why the anxious feelings? To what are you pushing me to contend? What demons are tugging at me? Why do I not feel free in the open spaces of this place?

I know you are anticipating the answer, right! Here is the message Spirit delivered to me at 9:30pm. I feel quite myself, my true self, when I am near the ocean where I can sit and take in its strength day after day. The words roll out of me as each wave dances upon the shore and as each seagull caws my name. Since I don’t have the ocean at my beck and call right now I need to face myself head on. I am stuck. I am afraid to post my writing and my thoughts. I am agonizing over this. I am being charged with searching for new ways to create, to write, to be me. This morning I put my heart to the challenge at hand. I got up early, showered, dressed and began my search for God. Why was God not making this easier for me, after all the only thing I want to do is find God in the everyday while sharing that waltz with the world.

The every-day is messy, a pain in the arse at times, it’s wonderful and thought provoking, and it is challenging. And my grandiose ideas of settling right in, creating inspiration in lightning speed, transcribing journals, writing books and changing some website info while I run from giant biting ants has fallen just shy of my getting in the car and driving back home. So I needed to recalibrate.

“God, oh God, where are you today? Lisa wants you to come out and play,” I whisper loudly within the confines of my frustration. And the answer came through the whisper of God’s breath as a gentle breeze rustled the leaves of the maple and oak trees creating for me a love song only God could sing. He dove into the depth of my soul urging me to continue on the journey and explore lavishly the peace of being still. Could it be this easy?

I took a seat on the trunk of my car – for sure the giant biting ants wouldn’t find me there. I sat and continued to delight in the whisper of the wind, the gentle caress of my soul. I sat there and when words didn’t pour from my heart to my pen to the paper I said, “Hello, I need assistance here.” Something caught the corner of my eye. There was squirrel about two feet from me. It was a cute little brown squirrel holding some type of round nut in his mouth. He had the most gentle, brown eyes. He gazed up at me and what did I do, I swished him away. This city girl thought this gentle eyed, killer squirrel was going to attack her. I swished him again. He takes one tiny step forward. “Go on now, scoot,” I say. He looks at me lovingly and probably saying to himself, “Hello, you asked God for something and here I am. You wanted a message and I appeared. Dopey human.” And as soon as he passed me I knew in my soul that a messenger was placed before me. I felt the gentle, playful and loving spirit of Fionn (my current border collie companion) and Liam (border collie companion in heaven) touch me as the squirrel passed. I allowed my fear to get the best of me. So I took a deep breath, centered myself to my foundation, and I quickly looked up the meaning of squirrel messengers: playful, perseverant, don’t let obstacles impede progress.

Just when I felt like packing it in I am reminded to add playtime, persevere in my wanting to find God in the everyday while sharing that waltz with the world, and not allow obstacles of fear to impede my progress.

Not bad for day two.